It may only happen a couple of times in your life. While there are people we love and are in love with in our lifetimes, there is a rare type of love that overwhelms us, breaks us down, and we can feel the parting of the seas and the crumbling of our walls. These are the coveted relationships: those connections that seem they cannot be denied. So how can we tell these relationship types from another?

She’s the One

We all know that guy who dates a new woman every couple or few months. And each time he really feels this is it! Their connections and similarities are so profound, surely it was meant to be. You don’t want to be that guy. It may sound glamorous that he is bedding one attractive woman after another but he is just repeating a pattern, firmly entrenched, thinking he can finally have it all with one woman. So each one he dates becomes her, and it’s all an illusion. If you identify with this pattern, don’t feel bad. Almost every person goes through this at some point in his life. If this is you, it would be beneficial to ask yourself what you are you achieving? You just want to have fun? Go right ahead, but don’t go into each new relationship prematurely convinced she is the answer or some kind of romantic messiah.

The Parting of the Seas

If you are mentally and socially healthy, you may finally experience a connection so earth shaking that you begin to believe in such concepts as fate, karma and even reincarnation. Regardless of your beliefs about such things prior to meeting them, it’s as if you have always known them. Within minutes you can feel each others thoughts and the energy is seemingly inexplicable to both of you. The familiarity and comfort with each other is obvious.

Reactions will vary based on personality, but it’s important to really pay attention to your feelings. Proceeding with an attempt at a relationship should be tested by a friendship. If this is someone important to your life, you really want to learn as much about each other as possible. Be brutally honest in your interactions. By showing unhindered honesty about yourself and your life, it allows the other person to feel safe and comfortable with you and they are much more likely to be open.

Being friends for at least a few months is vital. If you are both single and you are worried she will be scooped up by some stud while you are slowly getting to know her, well then maybe it wasn’t written in the stars as you once believed. If it is something that is truly meant to be, then it will come to its fruition. Trust the Universe.

Black Holes and Revelations

Spend those months of friendship doing active things. Light exercise gets the blood flowing and the brain working better. After learning about each other for a few months or more, think back to when you met. Is she the person you thought she was? What has surprised you about her?

If it is what you want, ask her if she would like to be more than friends. If you have made it this far, and she has shown no signs of trying to push away, she almost definitely going to be interested too. If that original energy is still present when you begin to get intimate, you will feel it. It’s different than just sexual energy. It has a rare electric component like a magnet. Do not jump into bed right away as tempting as it may seem. One of the hardest things for any man is to deny himself sex from a willing partner. But going straight to sex with someone this potentially important can be a costly mistake. Masturbate more if you have to! There are many independent women out there; strong intelligent women who may not have been expecting to be swept off their feet or felt the sting of some karmic relationship. At least wait a few weeks if you are seeing her a few times a week. Longer if it is less frequent. Those who jump into bed too quickly wind up down the black hole. She freaks out, she didn’t want this, she wasn’t expecting it and she runs. It still could be that cosmic relationship, but the personality wants to run and hide. But when you do it right, the payoff can be immense. You have each others respect and trust. You have covered not just the basics, but you are truly seeing each other for who they are. Each day becomes a new revelation.

These connections may seem rare. It has only ever happened to me twice in 30+ years. But one of the main reasons relationships are so strained is because of the way they began. It always catches up with us. Sometimes it catches up in a month; sometimes it takes ten years. There is a false belief that you can only have either a good sex partner or a good spiritual partner. In Version One, the sex is great but it is the basis of the relationship, and underneath it, there isn’t much there. In Version Two, you feel a deep connection with someone as a friend but you just aren’t attracted to them. Try as you may, the physical component just isn’t satisfying. But then there is a Version Three, and that’s where you want be. When there, the sex is so good because of the spiritual aspect. It may or may not last forever. But fully enjoy it for what it is. It is to feel more deeply human than perhaps any other emotion. It is coming home after a long journey and it is to be cultivated and relished. And when done correctly, if it is what you want and need, it can become that lifetime connection.