Talking about sex fifty years ago was probably a lot different. But we live in a world that is more accepting to honesty when it comes to our sexual partners. So many couples fall into believing that they are doing and receiving everything they want and need in bed because it is comfortable. We can fall into a rote formula whereby we go through the same moves because it has become what is expected. But sex is not a workout routine. The truth is, you or your partner may be exhibiting behaviors under the sheets that someone isn’t enjoying or they aren’t fully satisfied because there is something they really would enjoy that isn’t happening. And merely being willing to be honest can open up more possibilities for good, fun, healthy sex.

What Do You Like?

It’s a simple question. Merely checking in with your partner by asking if there is something more or less they enjoy in bed opens the dialogue. The discussion can take some wild turns but by asking this question, you are learning more about your partner in a specific way.

Speaking as a middle-aged man, there is some freaky shit going on out there. I’d say we are at all time fetish-high as a society from what I can tell. But perhaps I lack that kind of imagination. No matter, some partners will learn something potentially disturbing about each other. But in a good relationship, it can be easily dealt with. If it something you or your partner are not comfortable doing, then don’t do it. You can explain yourself if you like but your not obligated to say anything other than you are not interested or that it makes you uncomfortable.

Moreover, the talk brings fantasies or specific moves that become potentially exciting for both. When we are in a relationship, it is natural to want to please our lovers. And it doesn’t matter if you think you don’t need any help under the sheets. Even when things are going great, getting down to the nitty gritty with your mate can expand the enjoyment and trust in bed and thereby in the relationship itself.

Cat Got Your Tongue?

Nervous about even bringing this up? You can try a more subtle approach. During lovemaking, just try something new and gauge the reaction. Or to emphasize something you enjoy yourself, let your partner know as it’s happening. “I really like it when you do that” can go a long way to increasing its frequency and enjoyment. And expressing yourself during the act can lead to a more open discussion later thereby bridging the gap of the awkwardness of bringing it up beforehand. Everyone has different likes and dislikes and we can’t always be psychic about someone’s tastes. While we can be sensitive to body language and reactions, the truth is, how people respond varies as well. Opening up to discussing it in and out of bed will allow both partners to feel more comfortable and at ease.