Fear, Regret, and the What If- Part 2 of 4

  1. I wish I would have loved myself more, not tried to be loved by others.

When was the last time you felt hurt by someone else? A friend, a lover, a family member? Think about how you conducted yourself with them. I have lost some relationships that were extremely difficult. It is easy to look at the other and call them selfish, or thoughtless. However, maybe I wasn’t being true to myself, maybe I was valuing myself much lower than I should. It is possible that they valued me the same level.

Loving yourself and focusing on your needs isn’t to say that you need to be narcissistic, it isn’t to say that you need to be selfish. However, you cannot take care of others’ needs if you are tapped out. You cannot love others unless you love yourself. As a matter of fact, taking the time to focus on yourself is imperative, as odd as it sounds, you need to be selfish with yourself, in order to be selfless with others. Being Selfishly Selfless is a practice that takes time, but you can’t fill another’s cup, when yours is empty.

The number one thing to remember is that the most important relationship you will ever have in this world, is with yourself. No one can fill the void you create when you don’t give yourself the proper value. If you do not think of yourself as a 10, then invest in yourself to improve. If you are a 10 in your own mind, others will come to see you that way as well. Love yourself as if your life depends on it, because it absolutely does.

  1. Wish I wouldn’t have worked so hard.

We have all heard the saying, work to live-don’t live to work, but how many of us actually take that philosophy and apply it to our lives? Think about the most successful business men you have ever known, one inescapable truth is, they have to work long and hard to achieve it. Now ask yourself, how much time did they put into that.

When you look back on your life, even at a young age, you can always find those times where you wish you could have spent more time. When I lived in Southern California, I only went to Hollywood once, the beach maybe four times in three years. I was working the entire time. Now that I live in the Pacific Northwest, where it rains twenty-five hours a day, eight days a week, I think back and wish I spent more time with my toes in the sand.

Out of all the people that I spoke to regarding this subject, not one person said they wished they worked more hours. They all wanted to succeed, and the definition of success that culture provides us, is a high net worth. However, the trick is to ask yourself, what is success to you? Define it for yourself, and see where your job fits into the scenario. My guess, is that your job is what you feel is the best way to get those things, not the other way around.

  1. I wish I would have been more open to others.

Alright fellas, this one is for you. Not one girl I spoke with said they wish they had been more open with their emotions. This is where women have an advantage over us. We have an odd inability to process our emotions and articulate them in the same way a woman can. Now, that is not to say that men can’t and women are pros, we have all had the moment where our woman burst into tears because we didn’t fold the laundry (hint . . .it has nothing to do with clothes). But we are at a distinct disadvantage of being largely inept with it.

I spoke with one man who was just on this side of his second divorce. After his first, he was bitter and angry. He had blamed mostly her for her selfishness and her self-absorbance. Maybe it was because it was still fresh, but he felt differently abou the second divorce. He put the blame squarely on his shoulders. He ended up with all of the same problems with his second wife and figured that he was the only similarity between the two was him. He had kept his problems and his displeasures to himself, until they exploded. He always looked back at his first marriage and wondered what would have happened if he had only talked to her more.

There were a lot of men that stated that they believed their failed relationships could have been saved if they only opened up. No surprise right? However, when you feel that there is no way you can keep up with her emotionally . . .you’re right. However, effort is the key. Try to talk to her, or your family, or your friends, or your boss. Be open, be impeccable with your words.

It is going to be hard, but remember- you get good at what you practice.

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